Finding My Way Home!!!!

I'm not even sure where to start b/c last week was a LOOOOONG week for me!!!! It started on Sunday, really, when I just felt like I couldn't take it (w/my eyes) anymore!!!! I have had trouble w/dry eyes and mucousy eyes for years and there hadn't been much relief in that time!!! I had, about 3 yrs. ago, found a REALLY good eye dr. here in Grove City (I had been to MANY, MANY drs. and gotten NO HELP AT ALL. I felt blown off by most of them). I found a phamplet in the mail, back then, and went to her seminar (about dry eyes) and scheduled an appointment. She tested me for dry eyes and immediately put a tearduct "plug" in my left eye (the eye that bothered me the most). I felt soooo much better and was VERY thankful!!! The "plugs" only last a little while tho (anywhere from a month to a year or anywhere in-between). Eventually, the plug fell out. In the meantime, my GREAT eye dr. had moved about 45 minutes away to Marysville. I went there (to Marysville) a couple times, but eventually, found an eye dr. that was closer. (In retrospect, I feel like a fool for ever leaving my dr. in Marysville!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING)???!!!! Anyway, I went to this new, closer, eye dr. for about two years. At first, he seemed good, but this last year I was starting to realize that I wasn't getting anywhere w/him. Well, I WAS getting somewhere, but not somewhere good. My eyes were bothering me more than EVER!!!! Everytime I went to see him (he had me on some drops that needed to be monitered, so I went to see him every couple of months or so) I would tell him that my eyes were bugging me really bad. He seemed to think it was in my head and told me that I needed to go on medicine and even sent me to a new family doctor (who, btw, didn't listen to me, either)! Now, I will admit, I was CRAZY by now, but I 100% maintain, that I was CRAZY due to a "chronic physical problem" that wasn't being treated correctly!!!! I have always felt that if the physical problem was addressed, I wouldn't be crazy about it!!!! I went to the dr. he suggested and, like I said, she didn't listen to me, either. I guess I shouldn't blame this 2nd dr. who he sent me too, tho, b/c she did see me at my worst! By the time she saw me, I was a MESS!!!!! I was crying and acting like a victim b/c, by now, I was starting to believe the eye dr. that, maybe, it was ALL IN MY HEAD!!!!! Sooooo, a couple of wks. go by and I get my inner strength back and I realize..........................I am not CRAZY about this chronic physical problem!!!! My eyes are bothering me bad and I don't know what to do or where to turn! Soooo, this past Monday (after a particular hard weekend w/my eyes) I decide to call my old eye dr. in Marysville!!!! They got me in for an appt. that very next day!!!!!! I go and this dr., once again, says we are going to try the plugs again!!!! (Which I had mentioned to the other eye dr. and he never seemed to want to go in that direction). Soooo, we put in the eye plugs and.....................I felt better than I had in YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I EVER QUIT GOING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!! The long drive was SOOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must mention that I almost had an anxiety attack while waiting to see the doctor! I was sooooo nervous and scared! After all these yrs. of trouble, it has become a weak issue for me! This dr. was soooo sweet and kind that I felt soooo much better after seeing her! She is totally worth the long drive!!!!!!! But......................my friend, the story doesn't end here, oh no!!!!!!!! :)) The plug in my right eye was bothering me, so I had to go back on Thursday. My dr. wasn't gonna be there, so I was gonna have to see her associate! May not seem like a big deal for some people, but to me, after all I have been through, it was STRESSFUL!!!!! I didn't want to wait, so I figured, let's just go and see the associate and get this plug fixed! I was a nervous wreck all the way there (which, remember, is a long drive). Soooo, we get there (oh, yeah, Mark came w/me both times) and we were called back really quickly! I go in the room, get in the chair and answer a few questions, and the exam door opens.......................in walks MY DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT FELT LIKE AN ANGEL WALKED IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was at the hospial (her surgery day), but came over to check her messages and they told her I was there! Soooo, she stopped in to take care of me!!!!!!!!!! Now, IF THAT ISN'T GOD, then I don't know what is!!!!!!!!! What are the odds that she would be there to check her messages at the EXACT same time I am there??????!!!!!!! Coincidence, I don't think so!!!!! I couldn't have felt more emotions than I did at that moment!!!!! God was looking out for me that day!!!!!!!!!!! I know I had an army of people praying for me and I want you to know............it worked!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR CARING ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The dr. ended up putting a new plug in my right eye. That plug is still not in perfect, but I am taking it day by day! My eyes feel sooooo much better and that is good news! My worse eye has always been my left one and that plug is doing good! I still get "worried" about my eyes, but I think that will take time. Do I need to be on medicine for that worrying?! Maybe, but I am waiting to see! It has only been five days since the plugs and I already feel better. I think I deserve a chance to wait and see how I do for the next couple of months. If the worrying doesn't get better, then I know there are alternatives. I have choices. As for the 2nd eye dr. (who I only saw 'cause he was closer and seemed good at first) I was very angry at how he handled things. It is hard to let that go. A part of me wants to ask him questions (like why he never thought plugs would help me). But.............I talked to my aunt who quoted me scripture from Isaiah about letting the past go. Let the past be the past!!!! I COULD confront this dr. and ask him my questions, but for one, he would have excuses, I am sure, and two, by thinking of him, he steals my happiness NOW!!!!! I am doing better, so I don't want to think about him anymore!!!!! I will let the past be the past! I am sure he is a very good dr., in his own way, he just wasn't good w/me! Sooooo, I want to end by saying and letting everyone know................if you have a physical problem and feel like no one is listening (particularly your dr.).................keep looking for one that WILL LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!! It has taken me YEARS to find the help I need, but I am finally finding help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!(Even tho I feel stupid b/c she had been there for a few yrs. now. Stupid me only quit going due to the long drive. Why didn't I go back to her sooner)?? I am little mad at myself, as well..........but...............I have to let that go, too. Better I went back NOW, than later. Don't ever stop looking for answers and don't ever do anything you feel isn't right for you!!!!!!! Like Oprah says, listen to your inner voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is usually right!!!!! I was starting to doubt myself and listen to these other drs., but that little voice kept coming back. Even after feeling like I was beat down, that voice always came back and I would feel like a warrior again!!!! It was a back and forth battle of feeling victimized and not listened to and helpless. Then, I would feel strong again and think I was gonna do whatever I needed to get help!!!! I was even gonna go to Boston to see a Harvard dr. if I had too!!!!! :))
Sorry for the LONG post!!!!! I would like to ask you all to keep praying for me!!!!!! This battle w/my eyes isn't over yet! If these plugs work, there is potential to have my lower tearducts permanently closed! I think that will most likely be what I want to happen!!!! I felt like my old self on Wednesday. I hadn't felt like that girl in a long time!!!!!! Life can kick you down and it is hard to find your way again!!!! I feel like I am on the right path now!

THANK YOU ALL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Cissa :))