I haven't been blogging lately and I apologize for that! I miss it b/c it can definately be an outlet, but also a wonderful way to keep in touch w/others! My biggest issue right now is still obsessing!!! I have been on my medicine for two weeks now and for the most part, I am doing MUCH better! But........there is always a but, huh?.................I am still not well!!! I have this crazy obsession that I am hurting or going to hurt my eyes!!! I know it sounds crazy! I feel soooo embarrassed to even be sharing it! At this point, I feel I MUST share it and get it out in the open! I am afraid to touch my eyelashes which makes it VERY hard to wash or clean your eyes! I tell myself that people who wear make-up (I haven't worn any in yrs. due to dry eyes), but people who do wear it, have to clean it off............and that involves rubbing and cleaning all around your eyes! I am sooooo afraid I am going to harm myself in some way! It definately affects my quality of life! I am just hoping and praying that the meds. will continue working even more in another week or so. Meds. take time to get in your system and it has only been two weeks. I AM doing better during the day. It is the mornings that are rough for me. I have had dreams about poking my eyes and then, I wake up, and can't tell if it was real or a dream. This is when the obsessive thoughts begin. Did I poke myself for real or was it a dream?? I have been to the eye dr. twice in the last month. I cannot keep going. Everything is always fine and I feel great when I leave the office, but.........w/in a day or two, I am still obsessing!
Please don't think I am some lunatic! I'm not crazy, just a little unwell right now. I beg you to pray for me b/c my kids need a mom who can function and take care of them properly. I went on meds. a couple of yrs. ago for this same thing and got better, so I know there is hope, but right now, it is early in the morning, and I had what I "think" was a dream of poking myself, and it is making me not know truth from fiction. I wake up and don't know what really happened b/c dreams can feel so real, ya know! Maybe I will start some therapy. I have done that before as well.
Mornings are my absolute hardest right now. It is quiet and I am left alone w/my thoughts which are obsessive!!!
Pray for me and THANK YOU for caring about me!!!!! This is hard and very personal to share, but I felt compelled to share it anyway. I feel very isolated and alone during these times.
I will try and update more often to keep everyone updated.
Thanks again! :)
Love you all,
Cissa
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Still In Need Of Prayer!
Posted by CissaLynn at 6:58 AM
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4 comments:
Prayer is a very powerful tool that God has given us to use. I will pray for you and include you in the prayer circle at church. I think you are amazing for sharing this difficult part of your life. Seeking prayer, the help of doctors, therapists, and medication prove you are on the right track. I can't pretend to understand what you are going through, but I do understand the need to reach out for help and support. I can support you and pray for you, and I will do that everyday. God has blessed you with a wonderful family and wonderful friends. I know you will use them.
Hey...I know this is going to get better for you. You have a lot of people who care and are praying for you!! I'm thinking a good comedy might be called for tomorrow night, what do you think?? LOL...You might want me to pick though!! ;)
It is difficult to post about the bad things but I am so thankful that you do so that we can all let you know that we are here for you.
Hey gurly! I know things will get better cause you are now on the cover of a magazine! LOL... Well, I hope and pray that you continue to feel better!
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