Man, I don't even know where to start. Don't worry, this isn't a bad post or anything; in fact, it is quite the opposite. :) I just don't know where to begin actually. :) Okay, let's see: I have had the privilege of meeting up w/some very "old" friends of mine. By "old" I mean that I have known them for YEARS!!!!! We have had some wonderful experiences and LOTS of FUN times!!!!! We go back..............waaaaaaay back!!!! We have kept in touch over the years, but at times, we lose touch for several yrs. at a time as well. Sooooo, in the last few months, we have "met back up" via facebook (gotta love it) and I have enjoyed their company immensely (we have gone to lunch and had a day-long shopping trip, too). It has gotten me to thinking, tho, about the many people who come and go throughout our lives! When you are at different points in your life and are close w/a person (persons), you aren't really thinking that "someday" they might not be a part of your life any longer. Let's face it - we lose touch w/MANY people who once mattered a great deal to us! I don't know about you, but I have times when I think of these people and wonder about them (What are they doing? What did they become? Are they happy? Do they ever think of me?). I am realizing how lucky I am to have had sooooo many good people in my life through the years!!!! I would be lying, tho, if I didn't admit, that it also makes me sad! I want to go back in time and tell them how much I love them!!!! Hug them at every opportunity!!!!! Let them know they were special to me!!!! I wonder what kind of friend I was to them. I mean, I think I was good, but....................WAS I?????? Could I have been better???? Did I make an impression on their life the way they did mine?? Soooo, I guess what I am trying to say is.................. I am lucky to have reconnected w/my "old" friends this past month!!! I am VERY thankful they have come back into my life!!! I missed them.......................a LOT!!!!!!!!! :)) But.............what about all the others? I know that many of them (most of them, probably) will simply be.......................a memory........................and that is fine! I am lucky to have such good memories of such wonderful people I have been honored to know! I am wondering, tho, if you "could" contact a dear "old" friend, would you??? If you had the opportunity, what would you do? Would you want to "be" contacted? Or....................should some things stay just that..................a memory?! I only ask b/c, I am sure, people don't even know the impact they have had on a life!!!! They couldn't know b/c even "we" don't know it at the time!!!!! "I" certainly didn't realize it - that is for sure!!!!
I guess a good lesson here would be......................to learn from this! Start treating the people in my life NOW as if they might not be there tomorrow! Now, don't read me wrong, I don't mean be all OCD about it. lol!!!! I just mean to treat them good! Don't be afraid to say "I love you!" Put simply.................just care.................and.................. be aware! People come and go throughout so many phases of our lives! Be aware of the good friends you have surrounding you today!!!!!! :)) I believe God gives us friends, at certain times, for a reason! And, then, some of these friends move on, to someone else who needs them more!
So, do me a favor, and whenever you think of an old friend, stop and say a prayer for them!!!! First, give thanks for them being a part of your life at one time, and then, say a prayer for their live now!!!! That is what I try and do and it helps b/c many of them......................... I MISS!!!!! I wish I knew then..............what I know now!!!! Maybe...............that's just life!!!!
I'm just feeling sad and I don't know why! I'm not even talking about death, either. Just old friends who I miss! :)) I wish I could tell them!!!! Maybe I'm just getting old!!!!! :)) lol!!!!!
I think I'm gonna end for now and ponder my thoughts!!!! hahaha
Have a good week!
Love, Cissa
P.S. After a little bit of pondering, I am realizing that a great song by Kenny Chesney may just "sum up" what I am feeling! :)) It's called, "I Go Back" and it is very good! Soooo, maybe, Cissa is just "going back" and remembering all my many "good" times!!!! Like I said, I am LUCKY to have LOTS of them!!!!! Here's to MANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cheers!!!!!! :)))
Cissa has not ONE, but TWO sick little ones!!! Jacob got sick on Monday (fine one minute, sick the next) and Jack was sent home from school on Wednesday! Jake is better (still coughing and cold), but Jack had a high fever of 104 today (which is Friday)!!! It has been a LONG, HARD week for all of us!!! I haven't left the house the ENTIRE week!!!! I am keeping positive by being thankful that "I" am well and that "Mark" is well, too! Things can only go UP HILL from here! lol!!! :)
Say a prayer we get all of Jack's homework done this weekend! They sure assign a LOT, especially after you've been sick! Who feels like doing homework?? Oh well. That will get done, too! Postive thinking, Cissa!!!! :))
Now..........................................................................................................this is the life!!!! :)
I am trying my best to learn to relax and enjoy the simple things!!!! I am taking lessons from my cat!!! lol!!!!
Have a good weekend!
Love, Cissa
I haven't been blogging lately and I apologize for that! I miss it b/c it can definately be an outlet, but also a wonderful way to keep in touch w/others! My biggest issue right now is still obsessing!!! I have been on my medicine for two weeks now and for the most part, I am doing MUCH better! But........there is always a but, huh?.................I am still not well!!! I have this crazy obsession that I am hurting or going to hurt my eyes!!! I know it sounds crazy! I feel soooo embarrassed to even be sharing it! At this point, I feel I MUST share it and get it out in the open! I am afraid to touch my eyelashes which makes it VERY hard to wash or clean your eyes! I tell myself that people who wear make-up (I haven't worn any in yrs. due to dry eyes), but people who do wear it, have to clean it off............and that involves rubbing and cleaning all around your eyes! I am sooooo afraid I am going to harm myself in some way! It definately affects my quality of life! I am just hoping and praying that the meds. will continue working even more in another week or so. Meds. take time to get in your system and it has only been two weeks. I AM doing better during the day. It is the mornings that are rough for me. I have had dreams about poking my eyes and then, I wake up, and can't tell if it was real or a dream. This is when the obsessive thoughts begin. Did I poke myself for real or was it a dream?? I have been to the eye dr. twice in the last month. I cannot keep going. Everything is always fine and I feel great when I leave the office, but.........w/in a day or two, I am still obsessing!
Please don't think I am some lunatic! I'm not crazy, just a little unwell right now. I beg you to pray for me b/c my kids need a mom who can function and take care of them properly. I went on meds. a couple of yrs. ago for this same thing and got better, so I know there is hope, but right now, it is early in the morning, and I had what I "think" was a dream of poking myself, and it is making me not know truth from fiction. I wake up and don't know what really happened b/c dreams can feel so real, ya know! Maybe I will start some therapy. I have done that before as well.
Mornings are my absolute hardest right now. It is quiet and I am left alone w/my thoughts which are obsessive!!!
Pray for me and THANK YOU for caring about me!!!!! This is hard and very personal to share, but I felt compelled to share it anyway. I feel very isolated and alone during these times.
I will try and update more often to keep everyone updated.
Thanks again! :)
Love you all,
Cissa
It has been a while since I have posted. The reason is, mostly, due to simply being busy. With the Christmas break (my husband was off, too), things just seemed more crazy around here. It might have something to do w/the fact that we are still working on remodeling our basement (that whole area is in shambles) and..............we have been painting other rooms in the house as well. Once I painted one room, it was a downward spiral where several other rooms needed painted to match better. I have to say, the colors we had originally weren't my faves, anyway, so I am happy to be painting in colors that suit me more! :) I am not a "natural" at picking colors, tho. I know what I like for one room, but trying to see the "big picture" can be overwhelming!!!! But...........we are getting there. I am trying very hard to take it one day at a time. It will all get done. There really is no rush. Sometimes the longer you wait for something, the more it means when it is finally there!!! I am hoping to be "there" by summer (although that only means we will be on to "new" projects like painting the outside of the house)! lol!!! :)
I also have been having a really hard week mentally. It started last Sunday (28th) and came out of nowhere. I was fine one minute and having a breakdown the next. I really don't know what brings it on, but I have these spells sometimes. I usually feel better within a day or two and life goes on. But.............this day..................that didn't happen. As each day went by, I kept thinking, hoping I would feel better. Never did happen. In fact, I seemed to get worse! Soooo, long story short, I got the name of a good dr. and got an appt. ASAP!!!! (Doesn't it usually take a LONG time to get in as a new patient??). I know God is watching over me b/c I called the office on Friday and got an appt. for today (Tuesday). That never happens!!! Soooo, I am going back on some medicine to help me through these obsessive times. It is so hard when you know you are thinking crazy things, but you can't control any of it! The crazy part kinda takes over any rational thoughts you once had. Plus, I need to be the best mom I can be to my kids!!! This medicine will help me find my way back home and find the Cissa I really am!!! I haven't been Cissa for over a week now and I can't wait to see her soon!!!
Please say a prayer for me! The mornings and the evenings are the hardest right now for me! If you think of me, please say a prayer. I would appreciate it so very much!!!!! :))
Have a good week!
Love, Cissa
Jackson & Jacob 
Gracie Girl!
Jacob!
Jackson!I'm not even sure where to start b/c last week was a LOOOOONG week for me!!!! It started on Sunday, really, when I just felt like I couldn't take it (w/my eyes) anymore!!!! I have had trouble w/dry eyes and mucousy eyes for years and there hadn't been much relief in that time!!! I had, about 3 yrs. ago, found a REALLY good eye dr. here in Grove City (I had been to MANY, MANY drs. and gotten NO HELP AT ALL. I felt blown off by most of them). I found a phamplet in the mail, back then, and went to her seminar (about dry eyes) and scheduled an appointment. She tested me for dry eyes and immediately put a tearduct "plug" in my left eye (the eye that bothered me the most). I felt soooo much better and was VERY thankful!!! The "plugs" only last a little while tho (anywhere from a month to a year or anywhere in-between). Eventually, the plug fell out. In the meantime, my GREAT eye dr. had moved about 45 minutes away to Marysville. I went there (to Marysville) a couple times, but eventually, found an eye dr. that was closer. (In retrospect, I feel like a fool for ever leaving my dr. in Marysville!!!! WHAT WAS I THINKING)???!!!! Anyway, I went to this new, closer, eye dr. for about two years. At first, he seemed good, but this last year I was starting to realize that I wasn't getting anywhere w/him. Well, I WAS getting somewhere, but not somewhere good. My eyes were bothering me more than EVER!!!! Everytime I went to see him (he had me on some drops that needed to be monitered, so I went to see him every couple of months or so) I would tell him that my eyes were bugging me really bad. He seemed to think it was in my head and told me that I needed to go on medicine and even sent me to a new family doctor (who, btw, didn't listen to me, either)! Now, I will admit, I was CRAZY by now, but I 100% maintain, that I was CRAZY due to a "chronic physical problem" that wasn't being treated correctly!!!! I have always felt that if the physical problem was addressed, I wouldn't be crazy about it!!!! I went to the dr. he suggested and, like I said, she didn't listen to me, either. I guess I shouldn't blame this 2nd dr. who he sent me too, tho, b/c she did see me at my worst! By the time she saw me, I was a MESS!!!!! I was crying and acting like a victim b/c, by now, I was starting to believe the eye dr. that, maybe, it was ALL IN MY HEAD!!!!! Sooooo, a couple of wks. go by and I get my inner strength back and I realize..........................I am not CRAZY about this chronic physical problem!!!! My eyes are bothering me bad and I don't know what to do or where to turn! Soooo, this past Monday (after a particular hard weekend w/my eyes) I decide to call my old eye dr. in Marysville!!!! They got me in for an appt. that very next day!!!!!! I go and this dr., once again, says we are going to try the plugs again!!!! (Which I had mentioned to the other eye dr. and he never seemed to want to go in that direction). Soooo, we put in the eye plugs and.....................I felt better than I had in YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know why I EVER QUIT GOING THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!!! The long drive was SOOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must mention that I almost had an anxiety attack while waiting to see the doctor! I was sooooo nervous and scared! After all these yrs. of trouble, it has become a weak issue for me! This dr. was soooo sweet and kind that I felt soooo much better after seeing her! She is totally worth the long drive!!!!!!! But......................my friend, the story doesn't end here, oh no!!!!!!!! :)) The plug in my right eye was bothering me, so I had to go back on Thursday. My dr. wasn't gonna be there, so I was gonna have to see her associate! May not seem like a big deal for some people, but to me, after all I have been through, it was STRESSFUL!!!!! I didn't want to wait, so I figured, let's just go and see the associate and get this plug fixed! I was a nervous wreck all the way there (which, remember, is a long drive). Soooo, we get there (oh, yeah, Mark came w/me both times) and we were called back really quickly! I go in the room, get in the chair and answer a few questions, and the exam door opens.......................in walks MY DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT FELT LIKE AN ANGEL WALKED IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was at the hospial (her surgery day), but came over to check her messages and they told her I was there! Soooo, she stopped in to take care of me!!!!!!!!!! Now, IF THAT ISN'T GOD, then I don't know what is!!!!!!!!! What are the odds that she would be there to check her messages at the EXACT same time I am there??????!!!!!!! Coincidence, I don't think so!!!!! I couldn't have felt more emotions than I did at that moment!!!!! God was looking out for me that day!!!!!!!!!!! I know I had an army of people praying for me and I want you to know............it worked!!!!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR CARING ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The dr. ended up putting a new plug in my right eye. That plug is still not in perfect, but I am taking it day by day! My eyes feel sooooo much better and that is good news! My worse eye has always been my left one and that plug is doing good! I still get "worried" about my eyes, but I think that will take time. Do I need to be on medicine for that worrying?! Maybe, but I am waiting to see! It has only been five days since the plugs and I already feel better. I think I deserve a chance to wait and see how I do for the next couple of months. If the worrying doesn't get better, then I know there are alternatives. I have choices. As for the 2nd eye dr. (who I only saw 'cause he was closer and seemed good at first) I was very angry at how he handled things. It is hard to let that go. A part of me wants to ask him questions (like why he never thought plugs would help me). But.............I talked to my aunt who quoted me scripture from Isaiah about letting the past go. Let the past be the past!!!! I COULD confront this dr. and ask him my questions, but for one, he would have excuses, I am sure, and two, by thinking of him, he steals my happiness NOW!!!!! I am doing better, so I don't want to think about him anymore!!!!! I will let the past be the past! I am sure he is a very good dr., in his own way, he just wasn't good w/me! Sooooo, I want to end by saying and letting everyone know................if you have a physical problem and feel like no one is listening (particularly your dr.).................keep looking for one that WILL LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!! It has taken me YEARS to find the help I need, but I am finally finding help!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!!(Even tho I feel stupid b/c she had been there for a few yrs. now. Stupid me only quit going due to the long drive. Why didn't I go back to her sooner)?? I am little mad at myself, as well..........but...............I have to let that go, too. Better I went back NOW, than later. Don't ever stop looking for answers and don't ever do anything you feel isn't right for you!!!!!!! Like Oprah says, listen to your inner voice!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is usually right!!!!! I was starting to doubt myself and listen to these other drs., but that little voice kept coming back. Even after feeling like I was beat down, that voice always came back and I would feel like a warrior again!!!! It was a back and forth battle of feeling victimized and not listened to and helpless. Then, I would feel strong again and think I was gonna do whatever I needed to get help!!!! I was even gonna go to Boston to see a Harvard dr. if I had too!!!!! :))
Sorry for the LONG post!!!!! I would like to ask you all to keep praying for me!!!!!! This battle w/my eyes isn't over yet! If these plugs work, there is potential to have my lower tearducts permanently closed! I think that will most likely be what I want to happen!!!! I felt like my old self on Wednesday. I hadn't felt like that girl in a long time!!!!!! Life can kick you down and it is hard to find your way again!!!! I feel like I am on the right path now!
THANK YOU ALL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love,
Cissa :))
I just want to say THANK YOU to all my friends out there who were praying for me!!!! It truly means soooo much to me!!! And I really needed it!!!! I have good news, but not enough time to write about it till this weekend! I just didn't want to wait to say "THANK YOU" to everyone!!!!!
I have good news and a cool "story" to share (a total 100% God moment)!!!!
Tomorrow is trick-or-treat for us! I love Halloween, so this will be a nice ending to a very hard week!!!
Thanks again for all those prayers out there!!!! I felt them!!!!! I feel loved!!!!!
Love,
Cissa
I just had to blog and ask everyone to please pray for me! It's a long story, but I have had problems w/my eyes for a long time (at least ten years). I have been to MANY eye drs. and get little to no relief (I have constant mucous strings in my eyes). I am going to a new eye dr. tomorrow and I need prayer - LOTS OF IT!!!! These eye issues are starting to interfere w/the quality of my life and I don't like it! I am tired of my current eye dr. acting like all of my issues are in my head. I was starting to believe him. Today, tho, I realize, once again, that I am NOT CRAZY! I have eye issues and if this dr. isn't listening, then I am going to a new dr.!!!! These drs. aren't GOD and I am sick of some of them thinking they are! Yes, I am acting crazy NOW, but it is B/C I have no relief from this mucous in my eyes! It is maddening to try to ignore the feeling of something in your eye!!!!
Anyway, I am going to a new dr., so please pray for some answers for me - or, at the very least, some relief. I appreciate it sooooo, soooooo much!!!!!
One more bit of info. - I did get online and find an eye dr. in Boston, MA (I know, crazy, huh?). He is a Harvard graduade and written some articles that I found very interesting. Long story short, I emailed him and he already wrote back and would be willing to see me!!!!!!!! I am very hopeful after receiving his email. I would rather, tho, not have to travel all the way to MA. I would rather get some results from my appt. tomorrow!
Please pray that I will be led in the right direction! I need help. I wouldn't be crazy if my eyes didn't bother me every frickin' second. I have such little relief. I have a physical problem, but my current eye dr. is trying to fix it emotionally. THAT, my friend, is CRAZY and is making ME CRAZY!!!! I need it fixed "physically" not emotionally! My emotions are fine except for a chronic eye issue which would make ANYONE insane!
Okay, I will stop for now. I am rambling!
Thanks blogger friends!!!!
Love,
Cissa
Jackson!
Jacob!
Gracie Girl!
Cissa!
Mark!
Gramsey!
Gramps!
Gramps & Gramsey
Auntie Ann & Steve
Steve & Auntie Ann!
